remembering one of the many stories my grandmother Dagmar shared with me
A century ago, in rural Scandinavia, childhood was short. Life was hard, families were large and had to be fed. Dagmar finished the fifth grade. She was twelve years old and she could read and write. Her formal education was over. It was time for her to contribute to the family. Her older sister Gudrun, petite and blond, also left school after the fifth grade. Her responsibility was to stay home and help Mama with the cleaning, cooking, washing and tending to her younger brothers and sisters.
Dagmar was "dark strong and sturdy" she told me proudly. At twelve she had already physically developed into a woman. It was decided that her father Nils would bring her on his boat with him. Nils was captain on a boat that traveled the length of the newly built Telemarken canal. Dagmar's job would be to cook and clean for the ten to twelve man crew. The work was hard but she didn't mind it. She liked seeing new people and places and when they were docked in Kristiania (Oslo), while the men loaded the boat she was free to explore the town spending the small amount of money her father had given her. She thought this was much nicer than being stuck at home babysitting.
On one such trip, when Dagmar was thirteen, they docked in Oslo. Papa warned her to return in time to prepare dinner for the men. She fearlessly headed out into Oslo to find a girlfriend from Skien, her home town, who now worked as a maid in the city. The two girls had a wonderful time even having their picture taken at a photograph studio. The time flew by and soon it was dark and they were unsure which way the docks were.
Dagmar finally found her way back to Papa's boat late late at night. He yelled at her for being so "selfish" and struck her. Dagmar was a headstrong and feisty girl and ran so Nils couldn't punish her. The boat was not very big and Nils was quick. Now he was furious and began to beat her mercilessly, throwing her against the wall of the boat again and again. Dagmar said one of his men intervened and saved her from her father's wrath. "Nils, stop! you'll kill that girl!", he said. Dagmar said she "hated him for that beating".
Hearing that story I asked her, "was your father always cruel?" "Cruel?" she said incredulously. "That was just how it was back then. I was supposed to cook and if the men didn't eat they couldn't work and that meant that the family at home wouldn't have money for food. He was not cruel, life was cruel, and he had to teach me to survive. I was mad at him for a long time but I know now he only did what he had to do, the only way he knew how to do it."
Dagmar worked on Papa's boat until she was nineteen. Then after a fight at home with her boyfriend she took the train alone to Kristiania to find a job. "When I left home Papa bought me a trunk for my clothes and told me I had done a good job", my grandmother told me proudly. She took his gift as a sign of his love and pride in her. As an adult, visiting Norway from America with her family, she felt very close to her father. She described him as a "good, strong and handsome" man.
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| 1913 - Dagmar (left) and her friend in Oslo |
